This has been one heck of an adventure, with family, friends and more importantly each other we are making it day by day!
Thank you Stanislav Kalyuzhny for being the best friend, companion and father that I could ever ask for.

Jaciel is here! Pictures.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

It has been a while since I have posted on here. I have had some crazy days and then some that have just been blissful. I am trying to keep my emotions under control. Lately my small amount of so called patience has gotten even less. My landlord the current one in this big mess of a change over has shown his true colors and I am disappointed in myself for thinking that being nice and not a stickler was okay. WRONG! This is one of the many traits I have actually earned by being my mothers child. As much as I attempt to protect myself from idiots that are out to just be selfish, dishonest and that have a crappy sense of ethic. I am ready to actively look for a new place to live, although this would be crappy timing, find me a lawyer and start paperwork suing him for lack of repairs and being a crappy landlord. Ugh! I don't know what exactly to do but I do know that I don't have the energies or gumption to really deal with this mess right now.

I had a L&D experience from hell as well since the last time I've written in here. I went in for contractions, they gave me nasty Trabuterline (the stuff that feels like a self induced anxiety attack) which didn't work after a while they released me with instructions to return if they don't go away or increase in intensity. They did and I did as I was instructed. The contractions actually woke me up from much needed slumber. This would be when things really went awry. They ended up giving me Promethizine, an anti nausea medication, which I have taken before. Well it gave me such leg spasms that I couldn't stop moving and it wouldn't let me sleep. They gave me Benedryal which increased my issue rather then solved it. I was so out of it that when they came in saying "Here is your Dilauded." I looked up and said Huh? "Why are you giving me Dilauded?" "You asked for it." They said this part as they were injecting it. I felt total instant relaxation in my legs, they were hurting so bad from constant uncontrollable movement. The problem was I don't recall ever requesting pain medication. None! I don't remember them talking to me I do know that after the medication I was finally able to sleep but I swear to you I didn't ask for it.

After all was said and done, I went home at Nine in the morning after a total of twelve hours in L&D (including my initial visit)  and slept off the fog. Only to cry for an entire day blaming Stas for going home and sleeping, although I told him to do so, and allowing me to over drug my baby via drugging myself. I had been so angry because I COULDN'T remember why, what or how I ended up taking a narcotic. I don't remember being in pain, not real pain. Maybe after a while the discomfort of constant little contractions and a few larger ones I hurt but I don't remember. I was so angry at myself and worried for Jaciel. She wasn't moving a whole lot. THEN......

She started up again! All was normal and now all is still normal. Now however I swear unless my water breaks or leaks or something visual happens I am going to deal with these contractions and SUCK IT UP! I am not have a replay of that night EVER again, PERIOD!!!

Oh yes, holidays. Those of you who know me well know that Holidays and I aren't really that close. However being that Turkey only comes out once a year for our weekly dinner with my mother at my house we made one. Along with my sought after Garlic Green Beans, Mashed Sweet Potatoes, Root Salad (Kohlrabi, Beets, Carrots with Raspberry Vinaigrette) and last but not least a Apple Crumble Pie. I didn't hear not one complaint except for the ones coming out of Stas' mouth about how FAT he feels he is getting as he stuffs himself with the remainder of the pie. Must say it was a yummy meal. :)

The baby shower is coming up quicker and quicker, we are thrilled. I can't wait to see family and see the excitement on Nana's face as she feels her Great Granddaughter kick her through my belly. Her tactile senses are a little bit more advanced due to the lack of her other senses and I know she is going to love it. Not to mention of course I am curious what little cool items Jaciel is going to get. :)

Well.. Well, I think that covers it. Hope you had a wonderful Holiday and are enjoying the remainder of your November. With all your shopping and holiday craziness, be safe.


Friday, November 19, 2010

Oh how fun it is....

Last few days I have been so horribly uncomfortable. Not just due to baby but... well related to baby but not because of her directly. I am slowly beginning to feel better then tonight about twenty or thirty minutes ago however she was sitting restricted my breathing. Talk about uncomfortable and no matter how expected it is having your breathing restricted is very disconcerting. Thankfully due to my experience with my breathing problems as a child I have a lot of experience in calming myself. Doesn't by any means mean I enjoyed the twenty-five minutes of feeling like some unseen being was attempting to smoother me. I forced myself to take a nap knowing that you breath shallow and relax when you sleep. Which allows whatever is taking place take its course. The nap was much needed anyway.

I have become increasingly irritable with Santi, Stas and probably any other person that crosses my path lately. Especially on days that aren't too pleasant for me. Instead of just really rough nights its all the time. By the time I make my peace with this stage of our adventure it will be over. Its a pleasant thought but one dripping with a bit of sweet sorrow. Pregnancy is less then splendid experience sometimes but its still an experience I wouldn't take back.

I went to my last appointment and got glowing reviews. Did the nasty glucose test, heard her wildly beating heart and her kicking in retaliation to the invasion. Was told that I am not allowed travel, and he told me so in such a round about way. Which made me giggle. We have our fingers crossed that Miss. Jaciel Polina Kalyuzhnaya waits and bakes at least until thirty-seven weeks. I haven't received the results to the sugar test but he doesn't seem to be concerned, we are also checking me Cholestasis to be on the safe side because I have been itching a lot. However I think it has more to do with the cold dry weather coming about signaling winter. Over all I think my appointment went well and I am coming along nicely. It is official however that I feel her every move, she twitches and I know. it. This fact comes with mixed feelings. HAHA

Stas' work has cut his hours next week for reason unknown to us, causes a little bit of stress. Okay, I lie it causes a lot of stress. However we'll survive. It always works out. We still haven't gotten our repairs done in the house which is getting increasingly irritating. I just keep telling myself things will work out soon.

On a really happy exciting note, my baby shower is coming up. Yay! Its coming quickly. I am so excited!!!!

In conclusion, I can't believe this adventure is coming to an end. Soon I will be holding the same being that is being housed within my body and kicking the living out of my insides. I am excited, and so many other things to.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Yesterday & Comprehensive Update

Last night was a blast and I know something that won't happen for a while after Jaciel is born. Stas and I met up with Martin, Angie, Darrell, Rater, Regina, Daniel and Liz at Brew Bakers, which had the worst service on the planet but we had a blast. We then all headed back to Angie and Martin's house for some more hanging out. Needless to say we didn't get home until two in the morning nearly. (Confession: Brew Bakers stairs killed me, I did a little too much but sat my happy butt down and did nothing the entire time I was at the house.)

I have never been one under the impression that my adult life ENDS once a child is born. Really my fun continues but may be slightly tweaked. It really depends on what you consider fun. If you consider going out every weekend for the entire weekend to a club or wild party, then yeah your days of that is OVER! That thankfully isn't me. Ask any of my friends (the few I have) I am the boring, simple one. They love me! Anyhow I do know staying out until some god awful hour isn't going to happen often at all.

Don't misunderstand I am also not one under the impression that the weekend after Jaciel's grand entrance that I am going to be heading out to the nearest theme park for a romp. I know that she and I will not be parted for at least two months, I intend to breast feed with little to no pumping for the first four to eight weeks to establish a good milk supply. I also don't intend to do a great deal for the first eight weeks anyway. I'd like to bond with her, stir up some maternal instincts, get use to being a mother and get cozy with my lack of sleep.

The point of the last two paragraphs would be, well I guess they don't have a point. Stas and I really just enjoyed our outing and are glad we were invited.

I am honestly feeling very confident this week. Whether either ultra sound is correct that I am 27 or 26 weeks along I am confident that Jaciel will be just fine. I am also for some reason, which as I am sure I am mentioned before I am super in-tuned with my body unlike a lot of people. (Curse and a Blessing) I am of the belief deep down that Jaciel will be born soon after the removal of my cerclage as the doctor has guessed. I am actually not worried. Possibly I should be more concerned then I am but I am not.

The house is coming together, slowly but its happening. I need it to come together for my sanity. I do things here and there and Stas has been a great help. He loves both me and his little girl snuggled inside of me, thankfully that propels him to do things about the house and be a great emotional support. I am blessed. Its taken me some time to find some one like him.

I am excited to say my Baby Shower is coming up. December 5th @ 2pm I am going to be at my sisters house enjoying a yummy cake and I am sure lots of laughter. I am unaware if I am going to get many items but honestly I am not so worried about that either. People have worked with less then nothing and I know my family won't allow me to go without for our little girl.

I guess bottom line is I just am not worrying about much of anything. Its keeping me much more content and probably healthier. Although I have my moments where I am bombarded with thoughts about being a new mother to a very helpless wiggly little girl. It comes with its apprehensions as a big picture but I figure one day at a time. Right? The worst problem right now is the pain that goes along with her stretching and so fourth within my belly. I am not a very big person and I know she isn't a very big person right now either. However two not very big people, one housed within the other isn't always the most comfortable. It always seems like she knows where to hurt me most, ugh. However even with my complaints I am happy to just know that she is safe, healthy, and alive wiggling within my womb.

I don't understand how people can hate pregnancy so much. I have been reading a lot of articles trying to 'take it easy'. So many claim such horrors. When I feel that its difficult and some days I want to pull out my hair but it doesn't seem much different then any other part of living. Some days you just want to pull out your hair, some moments are more difficult then others, some nights sleep seems non-existent and last but not least some days you just want to curse the world. Pregnancy doesn't really seem to be much of a change from those same ol' motions. The new part is the happiness that comes over you even during the worst painful, stressful moments reminding you that inside you have a beating heart, a living being. With all my rambling it just comes down to I feel the unpleasantness is completely canceled out in the end by the fact I have a little person growing inside of my body, created by me (with some help of course), nurtured by me, protected by me who I love more then anything although I have never seen her. 

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I read this Article on TheFrisky.com the other day and I could help but laugh the entire time. Its called Girl Talk: Why the Third Trimester is the Best Trimester I am in complete total agreement with it. The first trimester is full of miscarriage worries, the ultimate forever long PMS and no one knows why because its just too early. The Second is all those little pains and aches but no one gives any sympathy because your just barely pregnant. You may feel your bean begin to move just to flip out when it stops being so irregular. Then the third happens. Yes its uncomfortable. Yes its tiring but you know what ... all that movement is a sure sign of healthy baby and no worries! I LOVE WHERE I AM AT RIGHT NOW. I finally feel less fat and just pregnant. I feel Jaciel move all the time. I much rather her stick her limbs in my ribs rather then down into my cervix but hey pain and all I know she is okay. Just think I am almost on my last three month stretch. I am loving it!

Crystal and Angie are coming over for Coffee this morning and I am going to toss together another batch of my bread. It was good and who can turn down warm bread and coffee, right?

Have a few things to do today. Bank, post office ... that kind of thing. I am in a fantastic mood and going to enjoy every second of it. I must be glowing with good mood vibes because when Stas walked in from taking Santi out for his walk all he wanted to do was come and give me a kiss. :)

I feel so loved, so happy and so ready to meet my little girl!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Confessions of a Different Kind

Before swimming into the depths of this post and what is plaguing me at the moment I am going to splash around in the pleasant shallows first. Early this morning I was griping about something and Stas stared at me with this grin. You know you all hate it when your fuming about anything and the person your spewing that symbolic fire to is looking back at you with a silly grin. The kind of grin you just want to slap right off their face. I realized a long time ago that would be why my mother always told me instead of yelling back at someone being rude I should reply in a calm manner of "Thank you" or "You have a nice day to." punctuated with a broad smile. It pisses them off, it sure pisses me off. Mind you whatever I was griping about really has no baring because it wasn't anything worth griping about I am sure. I can't even fully remember it and that is a sure sign that it wasn't that important. Just couples gripes, you know the kind. Anyhow what I do remember is making that frustrated gerr sound and balling up my fists at my side. The semi-adult fit throwing stance of frustration. Then asking him in a very stern, not so stern really I just like to say it was. It sounds better then miniature fit throwing roar that you hear out of a midget like me, who probably isn't as pissed as she'd like to portray. So yeah I am asking him in a scary stern sounding voice saying "Why are you grinning at me? What is so entertaining? Are you listening at all?" and his reply instantly deflated my puffed up stance. "You've gotten so much bigger."
Ugh? That is like saying I am waddling and I told him if he ever tells me I am waddling like a duck that I'd make him pay. I've gotten so much bigger! Humph. BIGGER! Yes, I know everyone makes comments about how tiny I am. How lucky I am to still be so little and thin, minus the baby belly. Then even my baby belly is cute and small. Thank you all for the kind compliments and I know I am not as large as some can get. I am lucky to have my baby weight protrude rather then spread, at least I am lucky this time. However I am still sensitive about my size, remember (those of you who knew me then) I was once 210lbs, huge. SIZE is a major thing for me. Therefore the comment of "You've gotten so much bigger" from Stas this morning didn't make me smile at first, it didn't help that I was angry about something stupid initially. I continued my mature semi-adult fit throwing and stomped off. Only to find myself smiling and returning to him lounging on the couch looking down and saying "I can't see my legs anymore." Lets just say I swear I grow over night. Yesterday I was able to see the tips of my shoes. I can't now.

Over all baby update is on the up and up. She is making me sorely uncomfortable and turning my midsection into a bowling ball-like display. I love my bowling ball, honestly but she is heavy! She may only be a few pounds right now but my small body feels like she is more like ten pounds. Ugh! Makes me really wonder when she makes her debut how big she is going to be. The thought of her debut makes me smile every time, never fails. I can't wait to meet this little person I have house inside me, who is entertained by the innards she can practice her kung fu gymnastics moves on. 

There is me splish-splashing in the shallows. I actually think the whole things this morning is funny.

Now for the depths ....
Those of you who saw my post about me losing my income are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. Some of you, but not all are aware that I am actually legally married to a man named Phillip. He is in the United States Army. Our separation is of the complicated sort. Its more complicated then infidelity but just as humiliating and painful not like infidelity isn't humiliating and painful enough. To make things just that much more complicated being that the Military is a factor the particulars of getting a divorce are a bit more screwy. Anyhow bottom line is I am still married. Stas knows, and has known from day one. I kept no secrets. My livelihood has actually been coming from Phillip due to the Military since our parting. This was set to change very soon. However he now wants to pull it from me prior to the finalization of the divorce. This taking place is still in limbo. It depends if the Military lets him and if he with his NCO's assistance find any nifty loop holes. Trust me its the government and loop holes abound, worst its the ARMY. Those of you that have had any experience with the ARMY need no explanation, those of you who haven't don't want to know.

Well this has forced me into early confession mode. Phillip is aware of Stas, yet names have never been revealed. I am also well aware of some Italian chick he is seeing who has a small child. There isn't any issues with that. However what he wasn't aware of was baby, this one or the previous. I intended to tell him but was waiting for him to be out of the hectic, dangerous war zone that he was in being deployed.

See I have this thing, I kind of love those that I profess to love unconditionally. Which means as complicated and painful our unique separation was my hurt and anger lack in strength when it compares to my desire for his welbeing. Those of you who know the specifics think I am a little on the deluded side of the spectrum. However its just me, and honestly none of you would want me any other way. Otherwise I might not be the person you care for so much or the person who cares so much for you. Who knows who'd I'd be if I were different.

In the name of his sanity and safe surroundings I didn't want to reveal my pregnancy to him. I know he'd have mixed feeling about it. He and I had our experiences with attempts in child baring, we had our losses and our medical tortures. To find out in the end apparently his inability to produce a child, this of course wasn't discovered until some time after and not revealed to me until after our separation. Talk about some mixed emotions from little ol' me. It was a complicated process. I use that word an awfully lot. Things need to stop being so dang complicated so I don't have to. Back on track I didn't want to reveal my being with child until he was safe in Italy. With the money prospect I was forced into exposing my little secret and now I worry about what is to come.

I guess he still frightens me a little. I still care about his health and sanity as I mentioned above and I am so unsure about how his reaction is going to be. How its going to affect him and how its going to impact me. I don't like not knowing what is coming at me. I can't even gage my next move or my opponents at this moment.

Never been all that skilled at the game of chess, but I am skilled at the games people play. Especially at the games he plays. Therefore lets just say I am a little more then nervous about sitting here in the dark without a clue.

Guess we will see what comes next.


Friday, November 5, 2010

Dance for me baby!

I swear she is doing the jig inside my belly. I can watch my belly move as if an alien is inside of me trying to get out. I know it sounds weird, just imagine how if feels. Its just a crazy cool, not always the most comfortable sensation. It doesn't hurt, it looks like it should but not even a little. I believe it when they say she can hear whats about her because particular sounds make her move just a little more as does the time of day.

Truly amazing!

As for regular life, the house is slowly coming together. Santi is slowly getting use to the new surroundings. Its not like we made a huge move, literally on the opposite side of the building. With his difficulty adjusting you'd think we moved to a completely new COUNTRY. Lord help me, the owner of an uber sensitive puppy. Nova could care less, as long as she has food, her kitty tree and a window to smash her little kitty face into when she is on the hunt for flies or any other creature then she is a happy animal. Not so lucky with the dog.

Over all I am feeling good, I had a massive headache that is finally easing up and allowing me to not crave the action of sticking my head into the freezer for cryogenic-like safe keeping. They have to find the cure for Migraines sometime in the future. Right? Other then the regular pregnancy gripes, peeing all the time, not sleeping wonderfully... those kinds of things. Life is good!

Happy Weekend Everyone!


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Doctors Appointment....

No fetal fibronectin test today, its not worth it. It really doesn't tell us anything that we didn't know already. I got scolded for doing too much, he says he knows I am not doing his version of "taking it easy". My reply was "You try just sitting there doing NOTHING all the time." he proceeded to tell me he couldn't. That is why he knows I am not but as long as I am doing my best. I told him that I do the grocery shopping but via electronic cart, he said okay that is fine. I also told him that I help with dinner but sitting down majority of the time. He also agreed that was okay but would rather I just sit without doing something, read a book, watch TV but no physical action. I told him I do that to but I can't do it too much it makes me crazy. I am glad the doc and I can see eye to eye.

As for Jaciel, she is healthy and yet again kicked the doc in retaliation while he was trying to get a decent reading on her little beating heart. The heart sounded odd this time because we could hear more then one valve. It was weird but that means she is well developed.

Today really hasn't been a bad day but I have been in a horrid mood. Aside from my just plain moody nature this fine Tuesday things have actually gone well.

Tomorrow is another day and I hope it is better then this one. :)  

Monday, November 1, 2010

Hello Monday!

Today was is the first of the month, so grocery shopping happened. Which wasn't too bad. Got what we needed. I now have fruit, which I am always wanting. We left early so we could Get in and Get Out of the Stores before the first of the Month crowds came in to do their shopping. Gotta love the electronic carts, it allows me the freedom to do my own shopping. I love Stas, and his cooking has improved immensely but his shopping ability isn't really his high point. Therefore I greatly appreciate the Electronic Carts.

I want to make a meal but that doesn't look like its going to happen I still can't seem to view my counter-tops due to an overwhelming clutter of STUFF! Moving creates clutter where there once was none and clutter for me creates aggravation where there was none, that is a lie, there is probably always a little aggravation there. LOL Soon, very soon it will all be straightened out and I won't have this overwhelming urge to just toss everything that I own just to have space. Its really not a great deal of things. It is only just all shoved into whatever space was available for quick movement purposes. I just need to calm myself and breath through it.

What's your pet peeve? Mine has got to be clutter! (Sure there are others. I admit that I am a very particular person.)

I think I am going to enjoy another orange, listen to my smooth R&B, Jazz station and play me some scrabble against some person from a far away land. Have a great week and I hope your Monday went GREAT and is setting the precedence for a wonderful week. If not then I am sure Tuesday will, positive thinking my friends!

November 2nd - OBGYN appointment 
(Jaciel is moving and happy so far so I am not concerned.)