This has been one heck of an adventure, with family, friends and more importantly each other we are making it day by day!
Thank you Stanislav Kalyuzhny for being the best friend, companion and father that I could ever ask for.

Jaciel is here! Pictures.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I can't believe I have neglected posting on here for two months. Hmmm.... Jaciel is now six months old and two days. It seems so unbelievable that its been six whole months since the first time I held her, kissed her and saw her beautiful tiny face. Now she has grown beyond the small six pound fifteen ounce mini being into a fifteen pound, twenty-five inches long infant. She has such a personality, stealing the hearts of those that gaze upon her. Ha, then again I think all baby's have that innate ability to steal the hearts of the onlookers. I know my heart strings get tugged each time I see the tiny little features, miniature hands and feet of a baby.

I am so glad that she is oblivious to the latest happenings. I am so thankful for her inability to understand loss, illness and worry. I know that means she is yet to discover the ability to love and care. However right now all she needs is the understanding of is the need for security, sustenance, comfort, rest and all those basic needs. Which from her smiles, giggles, and happy babbles I think her needs are satisfied and I feel blessed to be able to meet those needs.

The reason I say this is well lately illness has struck close to home and death struck close to home recently as well. Worry and concern for ones that we love are such constant thoughts at the moment. Its amazing how at one time we wanted for nothing, we just depended on our care giver to give care. Not a tear for sadness touched our face, maybe tears calling out alarm and communication but never sadness or worry. Those were the days, too bad non of us remember that peace of mind. Sleep as often as we like, eat when we desire, be held or not as much as out little hearts content and of course play without a care in the world sheltered by the innocence of childhood. This phase doesn't last long, some are lucky to bask in this safety longer then others but I am beginning to think it is never nearly long enough.

Jaciel has advanced to solid food and hasn't turned down a single offer of yumminess. She has graduated to her own room and her crib. She has always slept solo but in the same room as us, now she has moved on to bigger and better shows of independence. As much as I'd like to preserve the innocence, the childhood that I spoke of above it doesn't feel like this current world is safe enough to draw out the simplicity of only focusing on basic needs and dependance on those needs being provided without question. Sadly, too quickly now days the real world is placed in front of you offering so many options before many are ready to understand exactly what is being offered. I can't afford for her to not cultivate that independence needed to feel safety even apart from me. I know having her sleep in her own room isn't a huge step but I think its step closer to being able to soothe herself and still know I will come running if she truly needs me. Maybe its not the right way but I don't know how to lead her down a path that will create a strong character. I do the best I can. I just hope I am not doing it all wrong. Not a day goes by that I doubt myself. Then again not a day goes by that I don't think of how much I want her to grow into a well rounded, independent woman one day. I don't want to hold on too tightly to these lovely cuddle stages for my convenience and happiness. Having a child is so much more ... its just so much more!

Its coming about that Jaciel might have a fairly common skin problem. As common as it may be I am unaware of how to work with it. Thankfully I have two very wonderful people in my life that never hesitate to help me. Angie and Crystal are a constant in my life and boy am I grateful for them. Angie being a sufferer of Eczema has been my go-to girl during this discovery. I just want to say that I am blessed not only with a beautiful little girl, a superb father for her and support for me but also a one of a kind wonderful support system who love our little girl so very much.

We should be moving soon. A wonderfully old three bedroom two and a half bathroom house is going to be our new home come September. This home isn't only in the same town but the same street as we currently live on. I know that this area isn't the favorite of some of our friends but really its not so bad or so dangerous that we feel the need to move out of the neighborhood just out of these apartments. The new lease is already signed and the notice has already been given to the current landlord. I am excited to finally have a yard, a large kitchen and well a HOUSE! I miss having a house. I have so many ideas on how I want it all to work, and be set up. Lets see how it all works.

Other then the basic mundane duties of living life and the stressors mentioned above, which kind of just goes with living life. Nothing exciting or really note worthy has taken place.

I hope that it doesn't take me another two months to update this blog. Also I hope to announce a happy outcome for those that I am currently worried about. As for right now I am going to continue to enjoy my beautiful baby girl and relish in every milestone reached, each sing song babble, every wonderful smile and unbridled giggle. Until next time....