It has been a while since I have posted on here. I have had some crazy days and then some that have just been blissful. I am trying to keep my emotions under control. Lately my small amount of so called patience has gotten even less. My landlord the current one in this big mess of a change over has shown his true colors and I am disappointed in myself for thinking that being nice and not a stickler was okay. WRONG! This is one of the many traits I have actually earned by being my mothers child. As much as I attempt to protect myself from idiots that are out to just be selfish, dishonest and that have a crappy sense of ethic. I am ready to actively look for a new place to live, although this would be crappy timing, find me a lawyer and start paperwork suing him for lack of repairs and being a crappy landlord. Ugh! I don't know what exactly to do but I do know that I don't have the energies or gumption to really deal with this mess right now.

I had a L&D experience from hell as well since the last time I've written in here. I went in for contractions, they gave me nasty Trabuterline (the stuff that feels like a self induced anxiety attack) which didn't work after a while they released me with instructions to return if they don't go away or increase in intensity. They did and I did as I was instructed. The contractions actually woke me up from much needed slumber. This would be when things really went awry. They ended up giving me Promethizine, an anti nausea medication, which I have taken before. Well it gave me such leg spasms that I couldn't stop moving and it wouldn't let me sleep. They gave me Benedryal which increased my issue rather then solved it. I was so out of it that when they came in saying "Here is your Dilauded." I looked up and said Huh? "Why are you giving me Dilauded?" "You asked for it." They said this part as they were injecting it. I felt total instant relaxation in my legs, they were hurting so bad from constant uncontrollable movement. The problem was I don't recall ever requesting pain medication. None! I don't remember them talking to me I do know that after the medication I was finally able to sleep but I swear to you I didn't ask for it.

After all was said and done, I went home at Nine in the morning after a total of twelve hours in L&D (including my initial visit)  and slept off the fog. Only to cry for an entire day blaming Stas for going home and sleeping, although I told him to do so, and allowing me to over drug my baby via drugging myself. I had been so angry because I COULDN'T remember why, what or how I ended up taking a narcotic. I don't remember being in pain, not real pain. Maybe after a while the discomfort of constant little contractions and a few larger ones I hurt but I don't remember. I was so angry at myself and worried for Jaciel. She wasn't moving a whole lot. THEN......

She started up again! All was normal and now all is still normal. Now however I swear unless my water breaks or leaks or something visual happens I am going to deal with these contractions and SUCK IT UP! I am not have a replay of that night EVER again, PERIOD!!!

Oh yes, holidays. Those of you who know me well know that Holidays and I aren't really that close. However being that Turkey only comes out once a year for our weekly dinner with my mother at my house we made one. Along with my sought after Garlic Green Beans, Mashed Sweet Potatoes, Root Salad (Kohlrabi, Beets, Carrots with Raspberry Vinaigrette) and last but not least a Apple Crumble Pie. I didn't hear not one complaint except for the ones coming out of Stas' mouth about how FAT he feels he is getting as he stuffs himself with the remainder of the pie. Must say it was a yummy meal. :)

The baby shower is coming up quicker and quicker, we are thrilled. I can't wait to see family and see the excitement on Nana's face as she feels her Great Granddaughter kick her through my belly. Her tactile senses are a little bit more advanced due to the lack of her other senses and I know she is going to love it. Not to mention of course I am curious what little cool items Jaciel is going to get. :)

Well.. Well, I think that covers it. Hope you had a wonderful Holiday and are enjoying the remainder of your November. With all your shopping and holiday craziness, be safe.

 

Another Year Older...

As I have mentioned on Facebook this morning my mother is turning another year older. When did that happen I think to myself. Then I remember "oh yeah about the same time I turned twenty-six she was on her way to fifty-three. Now she is going to be heading to fifty-four and I... am going to be edging closer to twenty-seven ALREADY."

The years go by and creep up on you even when your not looking. Its not a bad thing matter of fact I see it as a blessing. My father can't have another year, even if it is half due to his own devices. My baby-girl can't ever turn a year old. Nor can all the others we've lost in recent and past years. They are perpetually the age they were when they perished. No feeling that back ache from when you were twenty-one and had been not paying attention to what you were doing, then dumb enough to ignore it until it became more of a problem. Your reasoning being "I'm young it will go away." it doesn't go away but hey just think that ache you feel makes you remember how invincible you once felt. That untouchable youthfulness flowing strongly in your veins and how thrilling yet how disastrous it once was. Those aches and pains allow you the pleasure of looking back remembering what you learned and what you MUST pass on.

I think age is a beautiful thing, it can be frustrating at times and can add some visual character changes that aren't always welcomed but none of it is less then WELL earned.

I am glad my mother has the chance to turn fifty-three, the chance to be here with me and share this pregnancy with me. I am thrilled to know she is going to be here when Jaciel is born and see her granddaughter, enjoy the new life that has been created.

This is to my Mommy, Leonor Castorena, and her accomplishment of surviving a beautiful fifty-three years, raising a very self-sufficient daughter and being able to welcome a extremely loved granddaughter into this crazy chaotic world.