Going to See the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz

(The title has nothing to do with the subject of this blog post but couldn't think of a title.)

Went to the doctors and she is now at Station +2, I am dilated the same and its just a waiting game. As it has been so from the beginning but I now technically have a baby that is one week from or is considered full term (36-37wks) depending on the dates you go by. Which is wonderful. Let me make this clear, with all my complaints I am thrilled that she is where she is at in her gestational age. She is wonderfully healthy and its amazing how long I have been able to safely keep her in my womb growing as she has supposed to all along. Keep in mind this as I say:

"I AM SO READY FOR HER TO BE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I am MISERABLE"

Yet I am truly blessed to have the healthy child I do and to have made it to this point in my pregnancy adventure. The alternative is so much scarier. The NICU and the health problems or even, god forbid, another death of one of my children those were my alternatives. Although all those listed above could happen due to unforeseen circumstances now they are so much less likely.

Thank you, irritable uterus that is only irritable and not out to devastate me.

Thank you, our healthy tough-cookie of a baby girl.

Thank you, supportive family and friends.
Thank you, supportive and experienced doctor of mine.

Thank you, wonderful partner of mine.

Thank you, lord above for all the above and more.

Now the next step is birth, lets get through that and this adventure will come to an end only for the next one to begin.

Lets get movin'!

This is STUPID! (POSSIBLE TMI)

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. However I started this leaky faucet thing and then I really haven't been to urinate all day or yesterday either to be honest without pain or sometimes at all due to the baby pressure (I think). I don't want to go into L&D. I see him tomorrow damn it.
However from what I understand if I am leaking fluid then I could get an infection so I think I have to go in, its the RIGHT thing to do.
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Waiting on Doctors call back. I feel so stupid!

Oh how fun it is....

Last few days I have been so horribly uncomfortable. Not just due to baby but... well related to baby but not because of her directly. I am slowly beginning to feel better then tonight about twenty or thirty minutes ago however she was sitting restricted my breathing. Talk about uncomfortable and no matter how expected it is having your breathing restricted is very disconcerting. Thankfully due to my experience with my breathing problems as a child I have a lot of experience in calming myself. Doesn't by any means mean I enjoyed the twenty-five minutes of feeling like some unseen being was attempting to smoother me. I forced myself to take a nap knowing that you breath shallow and relax when you sleep. Which allows whatever is taking place take its course. The nap was much needed anyway.

I have become increasingly irritable with Santi, Stas and probably any other person that crosses my path lately. Especially on days that aren't too pleasant for me. Instead of just really rough nights its all the time. By the time I make my peace with this stage of our adventure it will be over. Its a pleasant thought but one dripping with a bit of sweet sorrow. Pregnancy is less then splendid experience sometimes but its still an experience I wouldn't take back.

I went to my last appointment and got glowing reviews. Did the nasty glucose test, heard her wildly beating heart and her kicking in retaliation to the invasion. Was told that I am not allowed travel, and he told me so in such a round about way. Which made me giggle. We have our fingers crossed that Miss. Jaciel Polina Kalyuzhnaya waits and bakes at least until thirty-seven weeks. I haven't received the results to the sugar test but he doesn't seem to be concerned, we are also checking me Cholestasis to be on the safe side because I have been itching a lot. However I think it has more to do with the cold dry weather coming about signaling winter. Over all I think my appointment went well and I am coming along nicely. It is official however that I feel her every move, she twitches and I know. it. This fact comes with mixed feelings. HAHA

Stas' work has cut his hours next week for reason unknown to us, causes a little bit of stress. Okay, I lie it causes a lot of stress. However we'll survive. It always works out. We still haven't gotten our repairs done in the house which is getting increasingly irritating. I just keep telling myself things will work out soon.

On a really happy exciting note, my baby shower is coming up. Yay! Its coming quickly. I am so excited!!!!

In conclusion, I can't believe this adventure is coming to an end. Soon I will be holding the same being that is being housed within my body and kicking the living out of my insides. I am excited, and so many other things to.
 

Doctors Appointment....

No fetal fibronectin test today, its not worth it. It really doesn't tell us anything that we didn't know already. I got scolded for doing too much, he says he knows I am not doing his version of "taking it easy". My reply was "You try just sitting there doing NOTHING all the time." he proceeded to tell me he couldn't. That is why he knows I am not but as long as I am doing my best. I told him that I do the grocery shopping but via electronic cart, he said okay that is fine. I also told him that I help with dinner but sitting down majority of the time. He also agreed that was okay but would rather I just sit without doing something, read a book, watch TV but no physical action. I told him I do that to but I can't do it too much it makes me crazy. I am glad the doc and I can see eye to eye.

As for Jaciel, she is healthy and yet again kicked the doc in retaliation while he was trying to get a decent reading on her little beating heart. The heart sounded odd this time because we could hear more then one valve. It was weird but that means she is well developed.

Today really hasn't been a bad day but I have been in a horrid mood. Aside from my just plain moody nature this fine Tuesday things have actually gone well.

Tomorrow is another day and I hope it is better then this one. :)  

Lack of Control Sucks

I didn't post yesterday because I was too wrapped up in trying to keep myself calm and relaxed rather then stressed and angry.

I was taken off any restrictions on the nineteenth at my appointment. Home free, no more having to stay in bed, no going on outings so on and so fourth. They also did a test, claiming fervently that it would be negative. It was called a fetal fibronectin swab.

It was positive. The damn test was positive. I am back on "Don't Do Much" rest. Not Bedrest although its bedrest really. The test doesn't mean that I am going to have Jaciel now, today or tomorrow it does mean that she will be born prior to forty weeks and we don't really want that, its not what we'd say ideal.

I feel like a failure. My body is sabotaging it self. Jaciel is healthy, she is moving, kicking and happy with a beautiful heart beat but I body just wants to be done with the whole mess. Its not time for it to be done. There is no way that this can be right, your body is suppose to work for you especially if you take care of it and I am taking care of it but it isn't taking care of me. At ALL! My body hates me and right now I HATE IT!!!!!

Now - - I need to stay calm, relaxed and read lots-o-books. Deal. Last night Crystal was sweet and fed us dinner and boy was it yummy. I was so excited about being able to cook and create again the other day to have it all shot down so quickly. Ugh.

In the end, today is another day. I started an interesting book titled Emily Hudson and I am going to do my thing while not stressing myself out about what I cannot control. Which for the record doesn't seem like there is ANYTHING I can control anymore and it SUCKS!

Next Appointment and Re-test: November 2nd @ 10:15Am

Great Appointment...Six Month Milestone

I can't believe it, I am six months into my adventure. I am over half way and that is amazing. In the words of my close friend and sister "...she will be in my arms before I know it." She's so right! The Cerclage is going to be removed January and its pretty much a free for all from then on. Do you realize how... do I realize how close January is? Ninety-two days, that is three months... that isn't long at all. NOT AT ALL! Oh my lord, whew. I am so happy. Jaciel is doing tumbles as I am saying this and its no lie that during this time frame I feel the most fetal movement because all I ever feel is movement. Even when she sleeps all it does is slow down almost seems like she tosses and turns in her sleep. Doc says she has long sleep cycles right now. Now if only I can get her to sleep when I want to sleep. Ha! Wishful thinking because we all know that won't happen, ever probably.

I already feel blessed and once she is born, in my arms for me to meet in person I am going to be in tears and shock that its all a reality. One part of the adventure has ended and a new one will begin.

I am already amazed by the resiliency she has shown, guess she is like her Mama.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am thrilled to meet it and I can't wait to get some things done in this house. I am going to be moving into our new two bedroom apartment very soon. This is all so exciting. Yay.

Deserves my ALL!

Yesterday was difficult, I felt guilty, sad and then every time I felt Jaciel tumble around inside my womb I felt that warm fuzzy excitement all over again. The baby we mourn for and miss will never be forgotten or loved any less but the beating heart within me deserves my full attention and a happy disposition. I am going to give her my all.

I just needed to voice that.
Now as for my craving - I WANT AN APPLE!!!!!!!!!!
LOL

Doc appointment: Tomorrow @ 10:45am