This has been one heck of an adventure, with family, friends and more importantly each other we are making it day by day!
Thank you Stanislav Kalyuzhny for being the best friend, companion and father that I could ever ask for.

Jaciel is here! Pictures.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Two things, Tuesday is Stas' and my two year anniversary and Thursday Jaciel will be a whole month old.

Lets start with Tuesday .... I know two years isn't a long time but its still an accomplishment. Stas and I have had a rough time of it starting out. Especially since initially I wasn't interested in starting anything, much less starting a relationship. I wanted what I wanted, which was freedom. I wanted to find someone that was responsible, desired to actually settle down and not only made his own decisions but made decisions to begin with. A list was created way before I met Stas. This itemized list dictated in complete clarity what I wanted and what I wasn't willing to give on. I looked at Stas, after making him squirm for my entertainment and thought to myself "Him, nah. He is too young emotionally, too inexperienced in life, too much into his recreational activities, just...too young. He is a guy and guys don't become Mature at forty much less twenty-four years old." He however made a liar out of me, I took a chance by dating him, kept myself relatively emotionally distant. No "I love you's" passed through these lips, not that they didn't pass through his. Then we got pregnant, I didn't want to stay in San Francisco and raise a baby and he wanted EVERYTHING to do with her. Then she died, he still wanted EVERYTHING to do with me. We communicated, created a tremendously strong bond. In the face of turmoil we triumphed. We didn't break or crumble we fortified. I was amazed, still am every time I think back on it all.

Here we are now, nearly two years later. We have a beautiful little girl, we have an apartment that we work hard to keep. We made it through that raging fire filled with emotions with losing our first daughter, he held me together as I went through the stations of grief for not only our child but soon after my Father, he made it through moving far away from all he's known and finding a job to keep us afloat. Last but surely not least we survived the crazy fear infused creation of Jaciel. I didn't think he could handle moving so far away from his family (Therefore I didn't ask him to come along. He told me he was, I didn't really have a say.), nor did I think we'd be able to survive the pregnancy and birth of Jaciel after such a fresh wound. I didn't realize how much he wanted a family, how wonderful of a Father he could be and how much happiness I could feel. Every step of the way Stas has proven me wrong, showed me how I misjudged him and given me reason to believe he is just an all around wonderful man, rather then the boy I assumed he was.

Jaciel is going to be a month old Thursday. I can't imagine that only a month ago I delivered her, that only a month ago I met her for the very first time. She has been great, and the most precious gift I have ever received.
She currently is experiencing a growth spurt, I think. Due to the sleepless mornings where she has the urge to eat for four hours straight. Being that the only problem I've experienced so far, I feel super lucky! She already seems like she has gotten so much longer. Her face is changing and new features are emerging everyday. I am so thrilled, yet saddened by the speed it all takes place in. Not nearly enough time to enjoy it all to the fullest.

This week is a big week! I feel like time just flew by without me even noticing.    

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