*CRIES*

FACTS- All current facts are these: 5-5.5 cm Dilated, 80-85% Effaced, contractions 1-1.5min apart lasting anywhere between 1-2mins long, Station 0 and a bulging water bag (occasionally). He almost broke my water but expected it to happen by that evening, it didn't... that was Monday January Tenth (Through the Twelfth). 

Now its Wednesday and I am still pregnant, still contracting regularly, still miserable, no relief, no reprieve just at home. We are waiting for my water to break. I can't do this past 36 weeks. I won't. I am done, frustrated and exhausted. Talking to the doctor tomorrow. We will see what happens then.  

Day Two Bed-rest

Essentially its the end of day two, BED-REST. I become more at peace with it now. Its not too bad. Although if I only had a personal chef, things would be much better. I feel bad for Stas because he has ten times more responsibilities on him now that I can't do much. Makes me love him even more even know I don't say it half as much as I should.

She has been active as always which is refreshing and annoying all at the same time. Although right at the moment, as much as a good nights sleep sounds. I am trying to make her move because she is too still. Just can't make me happy can she.. lol

Everyday is one day closer to meeting her. Its amazing how time seems to move so fast when you don't want it to but so slowly when you'd give anything to get to the goal at the end of the road. I want her to come into this world healthy, timely and ... now! If now was when she was suppose to. I am just excited to meet her. I've been waiting so long and each experience I've had just doesn't seem to go smoothly. I am determined to get her here.

Its another late night for Stas at work which means another late night for me. I can't seem to sleep without him home.

I guess its time for another move. I just completed Frida Karlo, which I have to say wasn't a bad move at all!

Good Night.

May...

We moved to Visalia into my mothers house. Two weeks prior I felt a twinge of something odd. I thought I was pregnant but figure it couldn't be because I had been sick for so long that sex wasn't exactly on the top of the list.

The move was stressful, with me being sick and losing weight so fast that I began to look a little malnourished and again of course Stas' family. I couldn't wait to get away.

I try to be understanding about the cultural differences and the fact that Stas is the only boy and the youngest but in the end I just can't. I don't and will never understand how it makes logical sense to treat a grown man of his age as a child.

Low and behold we are PREGNANT again!

Tragedy Hits

We conceived May/June time frame. Our baby girl was born in October the 17th of 2010. Obviously far too early to survive at such an undeveloped stage. I was seventeen weeks along.

Reason unknown to us at the time my water broke, no warning, no bleeding just mild contractions and my water ruptured. I went into labor. Stas and I caught a cab, to this day I don't know why we didn't call an ambulance. We went to Cal Pac Labor and Delivery on Cherry Street and found out what I had already known. Our little girl was dead.

I waited to breakdown after the nurses left but it didn't take me long. Stas held me tightly as I sobbed. They gave me two options. I could allow labor to proceed and give birth to her vaginally or they could surgically remove her from my womb. I wanted surgery, I didn't want to remember anymore of this then I had to. Stas wouldn't have it. Surgery is dangerous and it was unnecessary because I was already in labor.

Phone calls were made to my family members, we were moved into a room upstairs and I had been given something to calm myself and possibly sleep before it was time to deliver. Needless to say I didn't sleep and wouldn't stay still, most of it is a blur. I remember saying goodbye and holding her. By that time my Aunt was present and the baby was passed between her, Stas and I so we could say goodbye to our little girl.

She may have had the face only a parent could love but she was ours. Her features were already beginning to set and she looked like her daddy, already long. Stas is a tall 6foot 3inches, while I am a petite 4foot 11inches. We said goodbye, cremated her and she is safe at home where she belongs.

We Miss Our Little Girl!

Problems Start!

Bigger problems then his unreasonable parents or the sister who never stops talking long enough to actually listen arise. The complications begin. First its simple, my sugar keeps dropping so I eat more often as instructed. A few times I find light blood in my panties and I discover I am a little anemic. I still go to work, I still push myself to do everything I need to do. We are both worried. Yet he doesn't say anything about being scared. He doesn't want to make me more worried then I already am. I am going crazy inside. Fear is all I feel, the amazement of being pregnant begins to just be overridden by intense fears. I end up quitting my job before I got fired. I couldn't preform my duties.

His parents still are going on about how we are doing this wrong, how we need to move and this and that. I am so stressed out that I can't even think straight. I cry and can't stop thinking about how I need to just get away from all these people.

Pregnant?

We're PREGNANT!

We are happy, scared, shocked and everything in between. Can't believe it happened. I wasn't suppose to be able to conceive children least of all carry them with out miscarrying. Oh GOD! I don't want to go through that again, is all I can remember thinking.

Believe it or not we had discussed pregnancy prior to this new factor in our life. When we got together I was straight forward and blunt about what I wanted and what I didn't want. One was the fact that I probably couldn't have children and if I were to become pregnant and he wasn't interested due to his age, inexperience or whatever then I would be okay with that. Stas being the person he is told me that he'd be thrilled to become a father. Talk about a nut job. Little did I realize that I would actually become pregnant.

Telling his parents didn't come out well. Telling mine went fine but they view me as an adult sadly no one in Stas' family views him as an adult.

It was made very clear when we started seriously dating that I wasn't good enough. I am not Russian, not anything they desired for Stas now I that I am pregnant we are told that we need to move and we can't raise our child in a cave.

We didn't live in a cave.
I worked, went to the doctors, went to Stas' work, cooked, cleaned and so on.

As we both are trying to let "We're Pregnant" sink in.