I didn't post yesterday because I was too wrapped up in trying to keep myself calm and relaxed rather then stressed and angry.
I was taken off any restrictions on the nineteenth at my appointment. Home free, no more having to stay in bed, no going on outings so on and so fourth. They also did a test, claiming fervently that it would be negative. It was called a fetal fibronectin swab.
It was positive. The damn test was positive. I am back on "Don't Do Much" rest. Not Bedrest although its bedrest really. The test doesn't mean that I am going to have Jaciel now, today or tomorrow it does mean that she will be born prior to forty weeks and we don't really want that, its not what we'd say ideal.
I feel like a failure. My body is sabotaging it self. Jaciel is healthy, she is moving, kicking and happy with a beautiful heart beat but I body just wants to be done with the whole mess. Its not time for it to be done. There is no way that this can be right, your body is suppose to work for you especially if you take care of it and I am taking care of it but it isn't taking care of me. At ALL! My body hates me and right now I HATE IT!!!!!
Now - - I need to stay calm, relaxed and read lots-o-books. Deal. Last night Crystal was sweet and fed us dinner and boy was it yummy. I was so excited about being able to cook and create again the other day to have it all shot down so quickly. Ugh.
In the end, today is another day. I started an interesting book titled Emily Hudson and I am going to do my thing while not stressing myself out about what I cannot control. Which for the record doesn't seem like there is ANYTHING I can control anymore and it SUCKS!
Next Appointment and Re-test: November 2nd @ 10:15Am
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