This has been one heck of an adventure, with family, friends and more importantly each other we are making it day by day!
Thank you Stanislav Kalyuzhny for being the best friend, companion and father that I could ever ask for.

Jaciel is here! Pictures.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Bedrest Day Three and Four

Yesterday, my wonderful Sunday. Its my favorite day of the week was blessed with two visitors. Crystal brought Noodle and sat with me for a while and Cassandra brought us dinner. We are both very grateful.

This morning Stas woke up and made me a teriffic breakfast, he is really improving his skills. We ate it while finishing a mini series that we stated last night called RiverWorld. One thing about bedrest is one really gets to catch up on their movie watching and missed TV productions. RiverWorld held my interest and provided an interesting concept. Oh we also viewed a little movie called NetherBeast Incorporated . It was an entertaining movie, made me laugh and was positively nothing that I'd typically watch. Again another fact about Bedrest, aside from catching up on things you may have missed while conducting your busy life you get to experience new and interesting things. :) The only type of movie that I doubt I'll agree to trying to watch is a Zombie Flick, which at this very moment Stas is enjoying his guilty pleasure of Zombie Film enjoyment. I just can't do it. I don't know why. Wait yes I do, they are pointless to me. Pointless, ugly and just plain blah. No judgment passed by me on those of you who 'Love' the Zombie genre I guess essentially its no worse then the Vampire genre.

Oh Netflix's how you've become such a close friend, I love you!

Whew, not the idea of 'Christina don't think too much' which is a habit I have had all my life and this habit is becoming more of an issue now that my brain is lacking stimulation. All I have been doing is thinking. Thinking of having a Babygirl and all the things that go with it. Granted I think I am beginning to become a bit more use to the idea. I really love the little outfits but then all things 'little' interest me. Yet my fears still haunt me and boy do they haunt me at my most vulnerable, during my dream state.

As my dear friend and confidant Greg has mentioned to me multiple times a parent never stops worrying. That apparently pertains to ones sleeping hours. This all seems so familiar to me, my worry regarding Jaciel's wellbeing is so similar to my worry regarding Angie and Crystal. The biggest difference is they are actually living life. Jaciel is still enjoying the safety and enjoyment of pummeling my innards with her miniature limbs. I guess that makes me a parent.

What makes someone a parent? Does giving birth to our other little girl make me a mother even know she had passed? Does being pregnant in the first place give you that title? Or is it like how I have always viewed it, as being the actions and unconditional love that you give in the role of 'mother'. Whether it be to a loved one that looks up to you or to your very own spawn. What means 'Mother'?

I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Its a subject and a question that I have always been curious about guessing its up to personal debate but now that I have all this time on my hands to think so much I guess its been ever more present in my thoughts. I wish someone could make sense of my quandary rather then tell me its only what I view that matters.

What is Motherhood?

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