National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, light a candle at 7PM and join others in creating an endless wave of light for those little ones that didn't make it. House Resolution #222 was passed in the house of Representatives supporting the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day on September 28, 2006 . This is a little known fact but one that should be widely known and participated in.

The loss of a child to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or pregnancy complications such as Pre-term labor is a startlingly common event and an extremely painful one; it is a loss that most families deal with in silence. Little support is given although there are support groups but they aren't known about, not suggested as often as they should be majority of the time nor are enough of them around. The death of a baby especially in miscarriage is still a taboo subject either ignored due to fear of saying the wrong thing or sadly the loss is even chalked up to something so common that it is as if it's nothing. With words thought to comfort such as "It just wasn't meant to be" or "This was natures way of fixing a mistake." These aren't words that are helpful instead they are rather painful to hear. Nothing is worse then the inadequate feelings and the devastation that is experienced when a baby is lost and this is at any point in the development as well as following birth. Becoming a parent is scary enough and to feel like you have failed in some way is crushing.

I personally have experienced this crushing feeling of failure when it wasn't I who failed. The pain of it is overwhelming, luckily enough when losing my little girl last year in October her father, my wonderful partner, companion and best friend grieved along with me. Tears were shed, lots of communication took place and he carried me when I couldn't carry myself through the process of grief. Not everyone is lucky enough to have that support and I couldn't have imagined having to cremate our baby girl without him by my side. We were offered counseling and opted out of it however we had been glad that it was offered in the first place. We considered it and knew if ever either one of us wanted, felt we needed to go and speak to someone about our experience we could. That alone was a comfort. A comfort not everyone has the privilege to have placed before them.

We need to educate the public about pregnancy and infant loss so they can better respond with kindness and compassion. We need to encourage healthcare providers, hospitals, funeral directors and other employees to give out the books, pamphlets and information regarding support available. These professionals need to be better trained to comfort affected families in order to help along the necessary healing process. Burial helps with the closure needed to move through the painful process of grieving over a loss. Therefore they need to be aware of the rights that the families have available to them so they can properly inform.

Let us please raise awareness and promote openness, and compassion regarding the loss of a child to miscarriage, stillbirth and/or neonatal death by recognizing this day of national remembrance remembering our babies.